She.

This morning she sent me a picture that she posted online from her way into work. God, she looked gorgeous. She always looks gorgeous…but it felt like I hadn’t seen her in months. It’s been 3 weeks, which is the shortest period of time that I can remember ever saying “it’s been ___ long since I saw her.” before that, I hadn’t seen her for over a year. Things get tough, but that woman is my rock. I remember when we used to say “Roc” like the song. That was in the beginning when everything was adorable and cutesy and romantic. Things are more realistic these days. I can’t say I complain about that. I’ve grown to enjoy the fact that we have to disagree, fight, be away from each other & think about the real future before we can think about fantasy “this is what I want…in a perfect world…we should run away and..” kind of future.

I’ve learned a lot about her over the years I’ve known her. More importantly, I’ve learned a lot about myself AND I’ve learned a lot about who I can be when I’m with her. It probably is easy to guess that what I want to say following that statement is that I’m better when I’m with her. But really, that’s true.

I sleep better when I’m next to her. I feel happier when I know she’s coming home to me. I don’t have the same kind of stress when I’m visiting her, & the stress I do have she helps me get through better than I help myself when I’m alone. She’s gotten me through the hardest times in my life the past few years. I can’t replace her and what she’s done for me: I never would want to, either. If I could have it my way, we would spend forever together.

I know we have a lot to work on and work out and discuss before we can make any kind of the serious moves we’ve talked about briefly. I just always have a high hope in the back of my mind that things work in favor of that direction and we can forge a path together, finally. She isn’t the kind of girl you let leave your life and she definitely isn’t someone you just let go of without a fight or another 5,000 chances and tries and attempts. Not that we are currently struggling through anything terrible. I don’t think she is in a position where she wants to leave, but sometimes I do remind myself that it is possible. I want to be the best for her, if it’s possible. I know that we have real feelings between each other & that our bond is special. The distance makes is difficult, though, so I wonder often what things would be like for us if we were closer. You know?