The First In Months

This is a blank page. And I have nothing to say. A painfully honest statement to describe the majority of my days lately. I haven’t been able or willing to pick up a pen or crunch some keys in weeks…months, really…even though it’s the only thing I’ve constantly been thinking about. All I can think is that “writing this feeling will help me out so much. writing will help me clearly see what I’m thinking and separate my ideas and I’ll feel some peace of mind again.” BUT the reality is that I can’t even settle my mind enough to begin writing anything out – so forget explaining!

Currently: I’m at work. This is the most stressful place I know of or step foot in lately. I’d give anything to walk out of here this afternoon and never have to come back. Painful reality: I’ve got bills. College loans, a credit card someone thought would be a good idea, and gas to get. I know, gas isn’t really a bill, but it should be; I spend more on that a week than anything.

I’m typing right now simply because I like the way these keys click. I’m looking over my shoulder at the parking lot to watch for anyone coming into the building and just to see what’s out there. I really do like October. And let’s be real – typing without looking at the keyboard will never NOT make me feel like a bad ass. I’m 10 , what can I say?